Are you in love?

It is a very common question, "How can I tell I'm in love?", but it is not an easy question to answer. What feels like love to one person may be nothing more than attraction to another. Some people fall in and out of love quickly and often while others are never really in love as much as they are in lust. This can get confusing when you are a teen because romantic love is a relatively new concept for you and you don't know what to expect. You are overwhelmed with all sorts of new feelings and social pressures. They are confusing. What is love? What makes you want a romantic relationship with one person and not another? How does your heart choose a partner? Why does love end? These questions can't be easily answered.

One of the most confusing quasi-love feelings is lust. Lust is a very powerful, very intense feeling of physical attraction toward another person. Lust is mainly sexual in nature - the attraction is superficial based on instant chemistry rather than genuine caring. Usually we lust after people we do not know well, people we still feel comfortable fantasizing about. It is very common for people to confuse lust for love. But why? What is it about lust and love that make them so easy to mix up? If lust is all about sex, how can a relationship without sex be about lust? Teens struggle with this because they see lust in the Biblical sense, but lust isn't that sinister. Lust is about physical attraction and acting ONLY on physical attraction. Love is about much more than that. Yet many teens (and to be fair, many adults) confuse an intense attraction for some sort if divine love. For teens, since feelings of attraction are still new and since pop-culture sells sex and love as one package, it is very easy to get the two mixed up.

Lust is clearly not love. Love is based on more than just physical attraction. Sure, attraction is a factor, but love goes deeper than that. Love is based on caring, friendship, commitment and trust. When you are in love it is as if you have your best most trusted friend at your side AND you feel physically attracted to them. It is the best of both worlds! Love is a shared feeling between two people who have a vested interest in one anothers happiness. Love is not about jealousy. It is not about conflict. It is not about testing. Love is a positive feeling. If it is tainted by mistrust, jealousy, insecurity or spitefulness it is not really love but merely a pale copy. Love is the total surrender of your heart to another person with the security of knowing they will treat it better than you will. Love should feel good. It should not feel bad. Love should make you want to be a better person, it should not lead you to do something self destructive. Love is not demanding of your spirit but lifts it and makes it glow. Love is a good thing. Anything less is lust, deep friendship or attraction. So the sappiness aside, the question remains, how can you tell you are in love?

There is no easy way to find the truth behind your feelings or the feelings of another person but there are some tell-tale signs that love is blooming (or growing deeper). If you agree with 7 of the following 9 statements you are probably in love.

·         You know, because you have been told by your significant other, that your deep feelings are returned in kind.

·         The object of your affections makes you feel special and good about yourself.

·         If/when you feel jealous it is always fleeting; you trust your partner not to betray you or hurt your relationship.

·         Nothing makes you feel as serene as when you and your partner are together.

·         When you fight with your partner you usually make up within a few hours and you always agree that nothing is more important than you both being able to express your true feelings (even if they sometimes cause conflict).

·         Your partner never asks you to choose between him/her and your loyalties to your family and friends - if you do choose him/her over them you always have a good reason and it is always YOUR decision, and your decision alone.

·         Neither you or your partner feel the need to test the other's loyalties or feelings.

·         You are more yourself when with your partner than you are with anybody else.

·         If sex is part of your relationship it is by mutual desire and agreement without the slightest hint of commitment testing or persuasion.

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change your reputation

10 Things You Can Try

Changing your reputation may sound frivolous but there are people who have had a string of bad luck and need help getting other people to give them a second chance.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to change your reputation, as long as you know that there are no guarantees your new one will be any better. If you sacrifice good friends in your quest to reinvent yourself you may be a big loser in the end.
Make New Friends While Keeping Old Ones
When you get in with a new crowd you should never write off your old friends. Don't burn any bridges, don't turn on old pals to impress new ones, and never turn in to a nasty gossip hound. Never build up your own life by putting down other people.
Whatever changes you make to yourself in the name of a better social life, never let your quest turn you into something you are not.
Here are a few things you can try in order to change your reputation and build a new social life.
Join a Team
Find a sport you like and do it as much as possible. Join the team at school or find one in your community. You'll be part of a group with common interests and you'll get in to better shape.
Get a New Look
Change your hair style, hair color, or both. Find a new way of dressing, one that reflects the person you want to be. This doesn't have to be expensive. You can find really cool clothes in thrift shops or consignment stores. Having a cool look is about personal style not designer labels.
Smile
It sounds simple but too many people forget to smile. Make smiling a part of your normal social interaction, even with people you hardly know, and people will see you in a more positive light. It is hard not to smile back when somebody is beaming at you.
Get a Hobby
Like sports teams, hobbies can be great ways to meet like minded people. Find a hobby you genuinely enjoy and join a club or group for enthusiasts.
Exude Confidence
Even if you are jelly on the inside never let it show on the outside. Keep your head up at all times and never let people see you sweat.
Be Kind
Caring about others makes others care about you. Think about volunteering to help at a charity. You'll meet new people and do some good at the same time.
Don't Be Afraid to Conform
Conforming to the positive social norms of the group you want to be a part of is a good thing. Not all peer pressure is bad. If it is prosocial and doesn’t do harm it's probably safe to go with the crowd.
Get Serious About School
Change your study habits and strive for better grades even if you already get pretty good ones. By being a better student you will bolster your confidence and that will positively influence how others see you.
Don't Try to Hide Who You Were
Own up to any truths in your previous reputation. Don’t ever try to hide the truth. Tell people you have changed and that you want a chance to prove it. Then show people that the old you really is a thing of the past.
It isn't easy to change your reputation but it's not impossible either. It takes some work and a great amount of courage to reach out to new people and make new friends but it is worth the effort. Not everybody will like you or welcome you in to their group so try not to be discouraged. Be as friendly as you can to everybody you meet and your positive attitude and confidence will draw people to you.

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LOSE FAT

Reflecting on what you eat will improve your eating habits. Literally. So next time you're alone with a bagel and a tub of cream cheese, don't trust willpower to keep you from digging in. Instead, take a look at yourself.

People shown a mirror eat less unhealthy food than do those who can't see their reflections, Iowa State University researchers have found. The results are so dramatic that researcher Brad Bushman, Ph.D., has installed one on his own refrigerator door.

Bushman and company asked college students to try full-fat, low-fat and fat-free cream cheeses. Subjects in a room with a mirror noshed less of the full-fat spread than those with no mirror. Then, the team asked grocery shoppers to taste full-fat, reduced-fat and fat-free margarines. Those snacking over a mirrored tabletop ate less of the fatty type.

The looking glass, reports psychology professor Bushman, prompts self-focused attention, so people compare their behavior to their own internal standards. Failing to match standards—say, of being a healthful eater—creates discomfort that forces people to avoid such a discrepancy.

Curiously, while mirror use cut consumption of high-fat foods, it did not effect use of the other products. Still, of the mirror on his refrigerator door, Bushman says: "It really works."

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beautiful parents

It is commonly believed that whether parents conceive a boy or a girl is up to random chance. Close, but not quite; it is largely up to chance. The normal sex ratio at birth is 105 boys for every 100 girls. But the sex ratio varies slightly in different circumstances and for different families. There are factors that subtly influence the sex of an offspring.

One of the most celebrated principles in evolutionary biology, the Trivers-Willard hypothesis, states that wealthy parents of high status have more sons, while poor parents of low status have more daughters. This is because children generally inherit the wealth and social status of their parents. Throughout history, sons from wealthy families who would themselves become wealthy could expect to have a large number of wives, mistresses and concubines, and produce dozens or hundreds of children, whereas their equally wealthy sisters can have only so many children. So natural selection designs parents to have biased sex ratio at birth depending upon their economic circumstances—more boys if they are wealthy, more girls if they are poor. (The biological mechanism by which this occurs is not yet understood.)

This hypothesis has been documented around the globe. American presidents, vice presidents, and cabinet secretaries have more sons than daughters. Poor Mukogodo herders in East Africa have more daughters than sons. Church parish records from the 17th and 18th centuries show that wealthy landowners in Leezen, Germany, had more sons than daughters, while farm laborers and tradesmen without property had more daughters than sons. In a survey of respondents from 46 nations, wealthy individuals are more likely to indicate a preference for sons if they could only have one child, whereas less wealthy individuals are more likely to indicate a preference for daughters.

The generalized Trivers-Willard hypothesis goes beyond a family's wealth and status: If parents have any traits that they can pass on to their children and that are better for sons than for daughters, then they will have more boys. Conversely, if parents have any traits that they can pass on to their children and that are better for daughters, they will have more girls.

Physical attractiveness, while a universally positive quality, contributes even more to women's reproductive success than to men's. The generalized hypothesis would therefore predict that physically attractive parents should have more daughters than sons. Once again, this is the case. Americans who are rated "very attractive" have a 56 percent chance of having a daughter for their first child, compared with 48 percent for everyone else.

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most suicide bombers are muslims

According to the Oxford University sociologist Diego Gambetta, editor of Making Sense of Suicide Missions, a comprehensive history of this troubling yet topical phenomenon, while suicide missions are not always religiously motivated, when religion is involved, it is always Muslim. Why is this? Why is Islam the only religion that motivates its followers to commit suicide missions?

The surprising answer from the evolutionary psychological perspective is that Muslim suicide bombing may have nothing to do with Islam or the Koran (except for two lines in it). It may have nothing to do with the religion, politics, the culture, the race, the ethnicity, the language, or the region. As with everything else from this perspective, it may have a lot to do with sex, or, in this case, the absence of sex.

What distinguishes Islam from other major religions is that it tolerates polygyny. By allowing some men to monopolize all women and altogether excluding many men from reproductive opportunities, polygyny creates shortages of available women. If 50 percent of men have two wives each, then the other 50 percent don't get any wives at all.

So polygyny increases competitive pressure on men, especially young men of low status. It therefore increases the likelihood that young men resort to violent means to gain access to mates. By doing so, they have little to lose and much to gain compared with men who already have wives. Across all societies, polygyny makes men violent, increasing crimes such as murder and rape, even after controlling for such obvious factors as economic development, economic inequality, population density, the level of democracy, and political factors in the region.

However, polygyny itself is not a sufficient cause of suicide bombing. Societies in sub-Saharan Africa and the Caribbean are much more polygynous than the Muslim nations in the Middle East and North Africa. And they do have very high levels of violence. Sub-Saharan Africa suffers from a long history of continuous civil wars—but not suicide bombings.

The other key ingredient is the promise of 72 virgins waiting in heaven for any martyr in Islam. The prospect of exclusive access to virgins may not be so appealing to anyone who has even one mate on earth, which strict monogamy virtually guarantees. However, the prospect is quite appealing to anyone who faces the bleak reality on earth of being a complete reproductive loser.

It is the combination of polygyny and the promise of a large harem of virgins in heaven that motivates many young Muslim men to commit suicide bombings. Consistent with this explanation, all studies of suicide bombers indicate that they are significantly younger than not only the Muslim population in general but other (nonsuicidal) members of their own extreme political organizations like Hamas and Hezbollah. And nearly all suicide bombers are single.

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online buddies

If you think you have a firm "read" on someone's personality from an e-mail exchange, think again: Two studies found that little more than a person's gender can be accurately predicted.

Research has established that women are more likely than men to ask questions, make self-denigrating comments and reference emotions. In contrast, men issue more opinions, grammatical errors and insults.

A study by Rob Thomson and Tamar Murachver of the University of Otago in New Zealand, found that these traits are easily detected online: The 35 subjects correctly identified the sex of the author of non-gender specific e-mail messages more than 90 percent of the time. Language style, rather than subject matter, is the giveaway. "If a woman talks about a male-stereotypical topic, like rugby, without changing her style, readers will still think she's female," explains Thomson, whose findings were published in the British Journal of Social Psychology.

But identifying more nuanced personality traits is another matter entirely, according to Steven Rouse, assistant professor of psychology at Pepperdine University in California. Rouse asked 82 students to complete a personality test and then spend two hours online playing a word game and chatting with the other players. He gave transcripts of these chat-room discussions to a new group of students and asked them to rate specific individuals' behavioral traits such as extraversion, openness and neurosis.

"There was almost no agreement between a person's personality test scores and the [chat-room-based] ratings," explains Rouse. And an individual's personality test gave little clue as to what they actually did in the chat room.

Ironically, raters accurately "decoded" an individual's chat-room comments, but those comments were only marginally related to the individual's true personality. "People who read what a person wrote in a chat room formed very inaccurate perceptions of that person, because they were using behavioral cues—like complimenting and greeting—not relevant to the person's personality traits," says Rouse.

 

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Relationship Rules

Human beings crave intimacy, need to love and be loved. Yet people have much trouble doing so.

It's clear from the many letters I get that lots of folks have no idea what a healthy relationship even looks like. Because I care about these things, and care about the environments children grow in, I'm using this space as an attempt to remedy the problem--again.

From many sources and many experts, I have culled some basic rules of relationships. This is by no means an exhaustive list. But it's a start. Print them out and pin them up on your refrigerator door. I won't test you on them--but life will.

* Choose a partner wisely and well. We are attracted to people for all kinds of reasons. They remind us of someone from our past. They shower us with gifts and make us feel important. Evaluate a potential partner as you would a friend; look at their character, personality, values, their generosity of spirit, the relationship between their words and actions, their relationships with others.

* Know your partner's beliefs about relationships. Different people have different and often conflicting beliefs about relationships. You don't want to fall in love with someone who expects lots of dishonesty in relationships; they'll create it where it doesn't exist.

* Don't confuse sex with love. Especially in the beginning of a relationship, attraction and pleasure in sex are often mistaken for love.

* Know your needs and speak up for them clearly. A relationship is not a guessing game. Many people, men as well as women, fear stating their needs and, as a result, camouflage them. The result is disappointment at not getting what they want and anger at a partner for not having met their (unstated) needs. Closeness cannot occur without honesty. Your partner is not a mind reader.

* Respect, respect, respect. Inside and outside the relationship, act in ways so that your partner always maintains respect for you. Mutual respect is essential to a good relationship.

* View yourselves as a team, which means you are two unique individuals bringing different perspectives and strengths. That is the value of a team--your differences.

* Know how to manage differences; it's the key to success in a relationship. Disagreements don't sink relationships. Name-calling does. Learn how to handle the negative feelings that are the unavoidable byproduct of the differences between two people. Stonewalling or avoiding conflicts is NOT managing them.

* If you don't understand or like something your partner is doing, ask about it and why he or she is doing it. Talk and explore, don't assume.

* Solve problems as they arise. Don't let resentments simmer. Most of what goes wrong in relationships can be traced to hurt feelings, leading partners to erect defenses against one another and to become strangers. Or enemies.

* Learn to negotiate. Modern relationships no longer rely on roles cast by the culture. Couples create their own roles, so that virtually every act requires negotiation. It works best when good will prevails. Because people's needs are fluid and change over time, and life's demands change too, good relationships are negotiated and renegotiated all the time.

* Listen, truly listen, to your partner's concerns and complaints without judgment. Much of the time, just having someone listen is all we need for solving problems. Plus it opens the door to confiding. And empathy is crucial. Look at things from your partner's perspective as well as your own.

* Work hard at maintaining closeness. Closeness doesn't happen by itself. In its absence, people drift apart and are susceptible to affairs. A good relationship isn't an end goal; it's a lifelong process maintained through regular attention.

* Take a long-range view. A marriage is an agreement to spend a future together. Check out your dreams with each other regularly to make sure you're both on the same path. Update your dreams regularly.

* Never underestimate the power of good grooming.

* Sex is good. Pillow talk is better. Sex is easy, intimacy is difficult. It requires honesty, openness, self-disclosure, confiding concerns, fears, sadnesses as well as hopes and dreams.

* Never go to sleep angry. Try a little tenderness.

* Apologize, apologize, apologize. Anyone can make a mistake. Repair attempts are crucial--highly predictive of marital happiness. They can be clumsy or funny, even sarcastic--but willingness to make up after an argument is central to every happy marriage.

* Some dependency is good, but complete dependency on a partner for all one's needs is an invitation to unhappiness for both partners. We're all dependent to a degree--on friends, mentors, spouses. This is true of men as well as women.

* Maintain self-respect and self-esteem. It's easier for someone to like you and to be around you when you like yourself. Research has shown that the more roles people fill, the more sources of self-esteem they have. Meaningful work--paid or volunteer--has long been one of the most important ways to exercise and fortify a sense of self.

* Enrich your relationship by bringing into it new interests from outside the relationship. The more passions in life that you have and share, the richer your relationship will be. It is unrealistic to expect one person to meet all of your needs in life.

* Cooperate, cooperate, cooperate. Share responsibilities. Relationships work ONLY when they are two-way streets, with much give and take.

* Stay open to spontaneity.

* Maintain your energy. Stay healthy.

* Recognize that all relationships have their ups and downs and do not ride at a continuous high all the time. Working together through the hard times will make the relationship stronger.

* Make good sense of a bad relationship by examining it as a reflection of your beliefs about yourself. Don't just run away from a bad relationship; you'll only repeat it with the next partner. Use it as a mirror to look at yourself, to understand what in you is creating this relationship. Change yourself before you change your relationship.

* Understand that love is not an absolute, not a limited commodity that you're in of or out of. It's a feeling that ebbs and flows depending on how you treat each other. If you learn new ways to interact, the feelings can come flowing back, often stronger than before.

 

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clueless guys

Guys, we ladies know that you can be pretty clueless. Have you ever said something "innocent" that got your woman really mad? There are just some things a woman does not want to hear. If you want to keep peace in your relationship, take my advice and don' ever say this to your girlfriend/wife:

Mistake 1: "Your best friend is hot" She'll end up feeling threatened that you're attracted to someone so close to her. It cause tension anytime the three of you get together. If you think her friend, sister, cousin, etc. is a knock-out - just keep it to yourself. 

Mistake 2: "Maybe You should go on a diet" Women are insecure enough about their bodies as it is. Seeing models and actresses on TV and in magazines makes many women feel like they're not good enough. You should never let her know that you notice her flaws, because she's probably already obsessing over them.

Mistake 3: "I don' ever want to get married" Most women are interested in long-term relationships. Plus, they love weddings. Telling her that you NEVER want to get married will definitely cause conflict in your relationship. Saying this to a woman may end your reltionship or lead to a psycho possessive girlfriend.

Mistake 4: "My ex used to do it different" Your new honey does NOT want to be compared to your ex. Do not remind her that you ever had sexual & romantic feelings for someone else. You might end up making her jealous. The exception is when you are making a comparison extremely favorable to your new girlfriend. However, you have to be careful - bringing up past lovers too often for no reason will make her think that your ex is still on your mind.

Mistake 5: "Maybe I should go without you" If you're going somewhere, and your significant other wants to come, just let her! You know that she might not enjoy herself, but denying her will make her suspicious. Besides, isn' it fun spending quality time together?

Mistake 6: "That fart you made was killer!" If you're both really close and comfortable with each other, this might be okay. However, when she lets one slip by accident and starts blushing, DO NOT laugh at her. It's an extremely embarassing situation and she doesn' need you to notice that she has "odors."

Mistake 7: "Why do you always want to talk?" I'll tell you the answer now so that you never ask her this. The reason females always want to talk, is because that's what they're good at doing. They've been doing it for years and that's what they're used to. Your silence can mean a lot of different things to a woman, some bad - so open up and let her know what's really on your mind. If you don' want to talk, say that you don' want to talk right now, but would be happy to in 1/2 hour. Anything else will make you look like an insensitive jerk.

Keep your woman happy and don' utter any of these offensive remarks. Remember that saying the wrong thing could mean that you end up sleeping on the couch tonight!

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Feminist

Quotes from woman

Think wrongly, if you please, but in all cases think for yourself. Doris Lessing. b1919 British writer

In passing, also, I would like to say that the first time Adam had a chance he laid the blame on woman. Nancy Astor (1879-1964) British politician

Women are repeatedly accused of taking things personally. I cannot see any other honest way of taking them. Marya Mannes. b. 1904 American writer

A mother is neither cocky, nor proud, because she knows the school principal may call at any minute to report that her child has just driven a motorcycle through the gymnasium. Mary Kay Blakely, b. 1957 American writer

Women may be the one group that grows more radical with age. Gloria Steinem

Never eat more than you can lift. Miss Piggy

 

Dumbest thing men ever said about woman

The male is by nature superior, and the female inferior; and the one rules, and the other is ruled; this principle, of necessity, extends to all mankind....The lower sort are by nature slaves, and it is better for them as for all inferiors that they should be under the rule of a master.  ARISTOTLE, Greek philosopher (384-322 BC)

Man, but not woman, is made in the image of God. It is plain from this that women should be subject to their husbands, and should be as slaves.  GRATIAN, 12 th-century Italian theologian

Woman is nature, hence detestable. CHARLES PIERRE BAUDELAIRE, French poet and critic (1821-1867)

The husband hath by law power and dominion over his wife, and may keep her by force, within the bounds of duty, and may beat her, but not in a violent or cruel manner. FRANCIS BACON English philosopher and writer (1561-1626)

 The first and most important quality of a woman is sweetness... She must learn to submit uncomplainingly to unjust treatment and marital wrongs. JEAN JACQUES ROUSSEAU

Nature intended women to be our slaves...they are our property, we are not theirs....They belong to us, just as a tree which bears fruit belongs to the gardener. What a mad idea to demand equality for women!....Women are nothing but machines for producing children. NAPOLÈON BONAPARTE, French emperor (1769-1821)

Man is the hunter; woman is his game: The sleek and shining creatures of the chase, We hunt them for the beauty of their skins; They love us for it, and we ride them down. ALFRED,LORD TENNYSON

I didn't say a word. I went over and hit her. I certainly must have knocked a lot of teeth out of her. She ended up in a corner all in a heap. FRANK CAPRA, Hollywood director (It's a Wonderful Life.)

Slap her once or twice, but do not punch her. British judge CHARLES GARRAWAY disciplining a man accused of assaulting his girlfriend, in 1988

I don't support wife beating but I understand it. Late comedian SAM KINISON,IN 1989

What really causes marital abuse is small families. If all women had a lot of brothers, this would never take place. Iowa State Representative CHARLES PONCY

A dead wife under the table is the best goods in a man's house. JONATHAN SWIFT in Polite Conversation, 1738

Women should be struck regularly, like gongs. NOEL COWARD, Private Lives, 1930

If you leave a woman, though, you probably ought to shoot her. It would save enough trouble in the end even if they hanged you. ERNEST HEMINGWAY, in a letter to his editor Maxwell Perkins, in 1943

I adore women. I am their total slave up to a certain point. I pamper them, cater to them, but when necessary, you have to bop'em. actor TELLY SAVALAS in 1975

Yeah, I hit her but I didn't hit her more than the average guy beats his wife. IKE TURNER in 1985, on his relationship with TINA TURNER

I'd rather be hit by a gorgeous man than an ugly one. actress ZSA ZSA GABOR in 1990

When you make them surrender to your power, that's sexy. actor RAY SHARKEY on what makes a woman sexy, in 1990

The guy has to have control over his woman. rap singer LL COOL J, in 1990

It ain't no big thing-I just threw her through the door. ANDRE YOUNG, rap singer, comment on events leading up to a lawsuit against in 1992.

My attitude is that if Picasso took a machine gun and cut down a line of grandmothers, okay, it would not affect my opinion of his art. CAMILLE PAGLIA

I made a good par at 18, so I won't go home and beat my wife. golfer JACK NICKAUS in 1989

 

Bottom line: Girls had it better from the beginning. Boys can run around fighting wars for made up reasons with toy guns going kksshhkksshh and arguing about who was dead, while girls play in the house with their dolls, creating complex family groups and solving problems through negotiation and role-playing. Which gender is better equipped, on the whole, to live an adult life, would you guess? GARRRISON KEILLOR in The New York Times, 1992

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subconscious mind

The topic of the subconscious mind has become quite topical these days and is frequently the subject of discussions with the launch of several films which address topics such as goal setting, quantum physics, the secret law of attraction, how to reprogram the subconscious mind and how these all relate to the outcomes which we see in our lives.

As we take a look at our lives in the self development field we often look at life from the physical, spiritual, financial, vocational and relationship aspects and often consider does the law of attraction help you find your soul mate (in line with accessing the subconscious mind ) as this is something which affects us all as we have the need to love and to be loved. With that said how to reprogram the subconscious mind is a subject which we really should be familiar with but which is rarely addressed or taught as a part of goal setting or on a widespread basis.

Accessing the subconscious mind is necessary as we all are programmed according to how we grew up, this may be determined by the types of families we grew up in, our religious experiences and related activities. With the amount of information available to us now and the amount of research that is being carried out looking at various factors such as levels of the subconscious mind, how to reprogram the subconscious mind and as we mentioned before does the law of attraction help you find your soul mate ? We need to understand more about this critical topic as it is so essential to what will come about in our lives.

The secret law of attraction works in conjunction with accessing the subconscious mind as we know that things are attracted or repelled from one another depending on its rate of vibration. We are all familiar with the term frequency as it applies to our radios, the radio receiver must be tuned into a particular frequency if we want to pick up a particular radio station.

This is a good example to assist us to understand that we need to be accessing the subconscious mind as we will act, live and behave according to the the secret law of attraction as this is determine by how our subconscious mind is programmed. If you want to know how your subconscious mind is programmed just look at your habits, both good and bad.

It all starts with our thoughts and accessing the subconscious mind , our thoughts determine our actions and behaviours and it is these repetitive actions and behaviours which will develop into our habit patterns. Our habit patterns determine whether we are the type of person who constantly move towards our goals and run away from the pain of being in a particualr situation.

For example, when we consider accessing the subconscious mind and the question does the law of attraction help you find your soul mate we can look at how we deal with this. Do we work on becoming the ideal person for our desired soul mate, do we work on ourselves and become clear in writing about the type of person we want in our lives ? Becoming clear and sitting down and writing down a description of our soul mate will assist in accessing the subconscious mind and invoking the secret law of attraction and in turn who we meet and when we meet them.

Goal setting and an intense focus on what we want to come about in our lives is something which characterizes successful people who invoke levels of the subconsious mind and achieve the goals that they desire.

As you are reading this you must be in the small percentage of the population who wishes to constantly take their lives to the next level and achieve great things, accessing the subconscious mind is critical to get to grips with as you look to make constant progress. Indeed the secret law of attraction is open to us all and it is down to our dominant thought and our attitude and attention to accessing the subconscious mind.

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time management

Time is precious thing so make the best use of it. Mind Tools teaches you personal time management skills. This personal time management guide and the accompanying newsletter are dedicated to building a stronger foundation for your success. One skill at a time. These are the simple, practical techniques that have helped the leading people in business, sport and public service reach the pinnacles of their careers. There are only 24 hours in your day, just the same as everybody else's. So how do you end up frustrated, angry, behind in your work, and dead on your feet? 

Maybe because you don't know how to use those 24 hours to your advantage. If you use these skills well, then you will be able to function exceptionally well, even under intense pressure. Developing time management skills is a journey that may begin with this Guide, but needs practice and other guidance along the way. Your main source of problems or your major breakthrough may still be hiding in your blind spot. What you really manage is your activity during time, and defining outcomes and physical actions required is the core process required to manage what you do.

Tips for time management
set priorities and manage your time to meet deadlines 
Handle people and projects that waste your time 
Action Plans and Prioritized - To Do Lists help you focus on the most important short term activities.
Prioritize assignments - When studying, get in the habit of beginning with the most difficult subject or task.
Make Sure the Surroundings are Conducive to Studying: This will allow you to reduce distractions which can "waste time." If there are times in the residence halls or your apartment when you know there will be noise and commotion, use that time for mindless tasks. 
Time management provides you with the opportunity to create a schedule that works for you, not for others. This personal attention gives you the flexibility to include the things that are most important to you. 
If using your time wisely is a problem for you, you probably don't have a very good idea of where it all goes. It just seems to go! A good place to start, then, is to keep track of how you use your time. Get a Weekly schedule (available in the Learning Skills corner of the Counseling and Testing Center's Career Library) and faithfully keep track of how you use your waking hours for one week. The results will probably surprise you. 
Successful leaders in almost every field organize each day according to the priority assigned to the activities to be accomplished. Make sufficient copies of the Daily Activity Guide to insure a two-week supply, and use the form as an aid in planning each day's work. 
The objective is to change your behaviors over time to achieve whatever general goal you've set for yourself, such as increasing your productivity or decreasing your stress. So you need to not only set your specific goals, but track them over time to see whether or not you're accomplishing them. 
Put things that are most important at the top and do them first. If it's easier, use a planner to track all of your tasks. And don't forget to reward yourself for your accomplishments. 
Visualize your long term picture of success and put it in writing. Review your goal frequently. Your goal should be specific, measurable, achievable and compatible with where you are now. There should be an end date as well. Steven Covey calls this "Begin with the end in mind." 
Planning your day can help you feel more in control of you life. Write a to-do list, putting the most important tasks at the top. Keep a schedule of your daily activities to minimize conflicts and last-minute rushes.

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4 types of woman

River women: 

 River women are emotion in motion. Theirs is a subtle and constant stream of emotion that flows like a river from one feeling to the next, often seamlessly. They are remarkably even-tempered, with a great sense of playfulness. If they learn to channel their emotions into positive outlets, everything they touch takes on a certain shine. 

Though their emotions aren’t predictable, per say, they have patterns that are known to themselves and their loved ones, which are relatively decipherable. For example, a river woman might know that weddings always make her cry. She knows to never leave the house for a wedding without a purse full of tissue. River women laugh easily, and have great senses of humor, knowing innately how to cheer others and make them smile, just as rivers provide nourishment and sanctuary for all kinds of life. 

Rain women: 

Like the rain that comes and then departs, rain women have feelings that come from out of nowhere, and then dissolve and vanish back into the mystery. A rain woman can experience sudden emotional outbursts when logically she can’t make sense of why or where the feeling is coming from. I had a friend a few years ago who was certainly a rain woman. We would be in the middle of a conversation when suddenly out of nowhere she would begin to sob about something she was feeling. I would usually be very surprised by the suddenness and intensity of her feeling. Then, just as quickly, the rains would stop and the sun would come out and she would be laughing and carrying on again. It’s very important that rain women not judge themselves just because the emotion is so sudden. 

Rain refreshes and renews and restores. And then it departs to make way for the sunshine. Rain women can also tend to brood, like storm clouds on the horizon. Exercise helps them move emotions through. Rain women are often moved by the emotional victories and downfalls of other people. They will cry or laugh for someone else's win or loss, even total strangers, just as quickly as for themselves. 

Lake women: 

Still waters run deep. Lake women very rarely show their emotions on the surface. They feel so deeply and so privately, that their emotions usually remain contained. They are often referred to as calm or meditative individuals. They express their feelings with a simple warm smile, or a silence that indicates their sorrow. They are most comfortable showing their feelings when they are alone, or with someone they know intimately. They are not women who repress their feelings, but women who reveal very little of what they feel just naturally. Because they feel so deeply, they are often extremely connected to their environment, and prefer to be out in nature or in retreat centers. 

They also make great team players, and excel at sports like golf that require significant concentration and sensing beyond themselves. Lake women are also very empathic, picking up the feelings of others and mirroring them, or taking them on as their own. This is the same way a lake mirrors a flock of geese flying overhead. They receive impressions very easily. Lake women have to learn to build protective boundaries around themselves so they do not absorb the emotions of others. 

Ocean women: 

The ocean is a vast and deep body of water, always changing on the surface. This is the most complex and rich emotional temperament, and also the most challenging. Where a river or a rain woman might have one feeling at a time, ocean women can have emotional cocktails, feeling ten ways at once, with many layers of feeling spreading in all directions. There is a lot to sort through for ocean women. They are sometimes overwhelmed. On the surface, they are much like the sea. Every day is different. Some days are calm and tranquil. Other days are tempestuous and wild. An ocean woman can wake up in the morning from a night of dreams, and her whole day will carry the emotions from her sleep. Like the ocean these women are beautiful and deep and mysterious. 

Because their emotions can be so vast and unidentifiable, ocean women need music and dance and art to help them find and feel their feelings fully. Talking with close friends also helps to ground the shape-shifting ocean woman, and help her identify what she feels. Ocean women who become actors can lose themselves in their characters, completely embodying the role without a trace of themselves apparent. They have access to a great reservoir of feeling that informs their lives. 

What emotional type are you? 
What emotional type do you think your best girlfriend is? 
What emotional type might your mother be, or your daughter? 

 

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depression and stress

Read some where :

I have suffered with both depression and stress in my life thus far. They both seemed to go hand in hand for me personally. Fortunately I have now learned how to handle these issues and am now able to live a happy and fulfilled life.

So what did I do to reduce and eventually eradicate the stress and depression? As I entered into my twenties I decided that I needed to change the way that I was living my life, I certainly could not continue to live in the way that I had been.

The causes of my anxieties were mainly due to the fact that I had a stutter. I stressed a great deal about this speech impediment and worried about the way in which other people thought of me. Stuttering impacted on my life in a big way and made life a lot harder from what it would have been had I been fluent.

I made the mistake of becoming envious and jealous of other people, people who were able to speak fluently. I would then start to feel depressed about things and about the fact that I was one of the unfortunate people who had a stutter.

At the age of twenty-two I started to read literature about stuttering, phobias, anxiety, stress and depression. I also attempted to overcome my own stutter.

I realised that I needed to start thinking in a more positive way, I needed to worry less about what other people thought of me, I needed to work very hard to achieve my goals and I needed to start appreciating what I had in life, rather than what I did not have.

This new attitude to life was very difficult to pull off as I had been a very negative person in the past. I was however determined to succeed and after around a year I had managed to overcome the stutter as well as my issues to do with stress and depression.

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2 worlds

We Live in Two Worlds

World #1 is visible; World #2 is invisible World #1 changes; World #2 does not World #1 is the world of separateness; World #2 is connected, wi We know a lot about World #1, but very little about World #2 To live and succeed in World #1, we have to be aware of World #2 In World #1, there is being born and dying; in World #2 there is neither We spend the first half of life learning to navigate

in World #1; in the second half learning to navigate in both World #1 seems all too real at times and World # 2 seems mysterious In World #1, you may experience loneliness or loss, but in World #2 no such things exist If you are not aware of World #2, you will not be able to fully appreciate World #1 World #1 is ruled by time. but in World #2 time is transcended World #1 is limited; World #2 is unlimited World #1 without World #2 awareness is anxiety-producing; World #1 with World #2 awareness is courage-producing In World #1, there are villains and victims; in World #2 there are only anxious lovers Everyone belongs to both worlds, but we have forgotten about the privileges and powers of World #2 awareness. World #2 is the cause of World #1 World #1 is characterized by the sense of lack and World #2 by abundance In World #1, we are always resisting or clinging; in World #2 we can relax and be content World #1 operates by words and things; World #2 transforms words and things There is very little certainty in World #1, and very little uncertainty in World #2 In World #1, control is the watchword; in World #2, trust is the watchword World #1 is timebound; World #2 is time-free In World #1, there is either too much or not enough time; in World #2 there is timelessness In World #1, there is rejection and acceptance; in World #2, there is oneness In actuality we are World #2 beings, learning to live in World #1 World #1 is the perceived world of good-versus-evil; World #1 is the world of the Infinite Good All pain arises in World #1, and all healing from World #2. The purpose of our experiences in World #1 is to remember World #2.

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Gender switching in cyber space

Gender-Switching in Cyberspace - Do Boys Just Wanna Have Fun?

   Brad first met Natalie on a MOO. He was a college senior at an eastern university, she a junior on the west coast. They got to know each other better by corresponding through e-mail. Over time, he felt very close to her. Maybe, he thought, he was even falling in love. When he finally suggested, then insisted, that he give her a phone call, the truth came crashing down on his head. Natalie confessed to being a 50 year old man.

  The beauty, and sometimes misfortune, of the internet is that it offers the opportunity for people to experiment with their identity. One way to do that is to switch one's gender to see how the other half lives. In a text-only chat room the first step is simply to change one's online name. In the visual "habitats" such as the Palace, there is the added challenge of creating an opposite sex "avatar" or "prop" to visually represent one's new self. The choice of name or avatar can greatly influence the image one wishes to cast - Bambi wearing skimpy lingerie, Rocky with sunglasses, Sheila in leather and chains, Lyle playing guitar, Hera in a long, white robe. After selecting a new name and appearance comes the even more challenging task of trying to play the role of the opposite sex person one has chosen. It's not an easy thing to do.

  Gender swapping is probably much more commonplace than we realize. Everyone familiar with cyberspace life has heard of or even experienced the kind of dilemma faced by Brad. I have seen and heard of more males switching gender than females. If this accurately reflects the population of cybercitizens as a whole, an interesting question surfaces. Why are males so interested in experimenting with a woman's identity? The answers go far beyond cyberspace and point to larger social and psychological issues. Here are a few possibilities:   

a.. Due to the pressure of cultural stereotypes, it may be difficult for some men to explore within themselves what society labels as "feminine" characteristics. These males may rely on the anonymity of cyberspace to express their "feminine" side which they feel they must otherwise hide. Some of these males may strongly identify with women.   

 b.. Adopting a feminine role in cyberspace may be a way to draw more attention to themselves. Getting noticed and responded to in cyberspace is not always easy, especially in such distracting, "noisy" environments as the visual chat habitats. Donning a female name and/or avatar, especially a sexy one, will almost instantly draw reactions. The gender-switched male may even like the feeling of power and control over other males that goes along with this switch.

    c.. Some males may adopt a feminine identity to investigate male/female relationships. They may be testing out various ways of interacting with males in order to learn, first hand, what it's like being on the woman's side. Hopefully, they use that knowledge to enhance their relationships with females. Some, however, may be looking for ways to gain power and control.    d.. In some online games where participants assume imaginary identities (e.g., MUDs), being a female may be advantageous. Sometimes males lend more assistance to females, so they progress faster in the game.

    e.. Disguised as a female, a male looking for intimacy, romance, and/or cybersex from another male may be acting upon conscious or unconscious homosexual feelings.    f.. Transsexuals (people who feel, psychologically, that they are the opposite sex rather than their given biological gender) and/or transvestites (people who cross-dress for sexual arousal or as an identification with females) may be drawn to virtual gender-switching. In rare cases, gender-switching could be a sign of what would be diagnosed as "genderconfusion" - i.e., a psychological disturbance where one's identity as a male or female has not fully developed.

  One reader of this article had this comment:

    I think I can sum up a factor about Genderhacking by repeating a line I saw someone type in a chatroom once: "Won't someone at least pretend to be female?" Lets face it, the majority of users of the internet are still male, and in such an ambiguous environment as the internet, the ability to lose one's inhibitions is quite strong. With a great many horny computer nerds out there, and no counterpart women on the net, I think some men pretend to be women - not because they have any desire to have sexual experiences with men themselves, but because they wish to perpetuate some form of cyber experience. It is as if they are an actor, manipulating the puppet of women (just as they might in their own mind, during a sexual fantasy) but in this case, they are sustaining the puppet for some other stranger at the end of another modem to play with. Once this cyberstory then exists, it doesn't really matter who wrote the woman's lines or who wrote the man's. For both can enjoy it from whatever perspective that they chose. Wanting, and trying, to switch gender is by no means a new social phenomenon. Theories in psychology abound on this topic. But the online version of gender-switching is unique and important for several reasons. First of all, cyberspace makes it so easy. It provides an attractive opportunity to experiment, abandon the experiment if necessary, and safely try again, if one so desires. More and different types of people are going to try it than in "real life." It also provides researchers with a unprecedented opportunity to study how and why people gender switch.  Unfortunately, the wide latitude for online gender-switching makes situations like those of Brad much more common. Even though exploring the anima and animus can be enriching, healthy, or just plain fun - hurtingother people is not an acceptable outcome. There is a very thin line between the right to experiment with one's gender and the violation of the rights of others by deliberately deceiving and manipulating them. At some point in an online relationship, in order to protect their feelings and even their "sanity," people sometimes find it necessary to test the companion to see if that person is faking gender. Some savvy internet users question their companions as as a kind of subtle, surreptitious detective work. Others immediately and rather presumptuously test the waters as soon as they meet someone who presents as the opposite sex

 But can gender-switching be accurately identified? Out of curiosity, I asked a group of approximately 30 women what questions could be asked to detect a male pretending to be female. The questions they suggested all revolved around female biology and products. The issues that surfaced while they discussed the use of these queries were quite intriguing, andcontroversial. No doubt, people online would experience many of these questions as embarrassing, or as personal invasions into their privacy - so the need to protect one's own feelings would have to be weighed against the other person's rights. Applying them would probably only be appropriate when the relationship had progressed to the point where a person felt emotionally involved with the "female" companion, but suspected that deception and manipulation was afoot. Even more controversial was the fact that not all the women knew the answer to all the questions, which raised doubts about whether there even is knowledge that specifically identifies a female. For some of the questions, there may not be a "correct" answer at all, or the correct answer may depend on such things as your geographical location and culture. Detecting gender-switching might be a matter of determining how many questions the person seems to get "right," combined with weighing the manner in which the person replies to the questions. Does the person fumble, confabulate, get defensive and angry, etc. But even this strategy can fail. In some cases, it may be impossible to tell whether the person is being deceptive.

  Here are some of the questions suggested by the women:

 

1.     What is the difference between "junior" and "misses' sizes? (junior sizes tend to be smaller and may use a different size-numbering system)

2.     What sizes do pantyhose typically come in? (usually A, B, Queen.... rarely, "small, medium, large" - but this may depend on geographical location)

3.      What is the difference in how flushable and non-flushable tamponsare made?    (non-flushables have plastic in them - flushables have only paper and fabric)

4.      What size ring do women usually wear?    (5, 6, 7)

5.     When coloring hair, how long is the dye usually left in one's hair?" (may vary, but approximately 25 minutes)

6.      What is the average range of sizes for women's panties? (typical range is 2-10; average size is 6-8)

7.      What negative effect may antibiotics have on a woman? (yeast infections)

8.      On what day is flow the greatest? (first or second, typically)

9.     When during her cycle is a woman most likely to become pregnant? (approximately 15 days after the beginning of her period)

  Experienced users mentioned another strategy for testing the possible deceptiveness of an online companion: ask the person to make telephone contact, or even to meet in-person. A gender-switcher will most probably decline the offer. Of course, a genuine person might also decline for a variety of reasons. But for most true friendships and romances in cyberspace, there is a natural development towards wanting to meet the person in real life. In this case, if an online companion declines, there is probably some kind of deception taking place. 

Do Girls Just Wanna Have Fun Too?

  One reader of the previous article - a "straight, happily married mother" - e-mailed me to say that this article had validated many of her own experiences in cyberspace. She had participated in fantasy role playing, except she was a woman assuming the persona of a man. She only played the roles for a short period of time, she stated, usually one evening a week. "I found the characters tiring to keep up and had to stop. Usually I found myself shifting into a feminine, softer mood and had to quit before I got my character in serious trouble. I got too empathic and too flirtatious with males buddies. I knew my cover was slipping and my true proclivities slipping out and so I had to kill the character." She listed a number of reasons why she played those male roles:

1. To find out how other females act with men. This was partially competitive and sexual on her part, she noted. "What do other women do to entice men? Are the other women better than me at it?" She usually concluded that this wasn't the case. She felt other women were somewhat silly and boring. Also, men seemed to have more pressure on them to be entertaining.
2. To practice "writing" a seductive male character. She was interested in romance novels and how they are constructed with a heavy emphasis on the "hero." Whereas the heroine is the point of view, that character doesn't necessarily have to be well developed. The object of the novel, she explained, is the capture and/or discovery of the hero, who MUST be a well defined personality. In her online gender switching, she experimented with hero personalities to see how they affected women. She felt her character was much more attentive and romantic than the average male. She acted the way she would have liked a male to court her. An important realization for her was that the projection of power and competence can be very seductive. "I hadn't truly appreciated how much a guy has to constantly maintain the facade of strength. One slip of weakness and the women crush you like a walnut."
3. To run a clan. In some game environments, a clan is a group of players who challenge and compete with other clans. While some of the clans were lead by females, she had difficulty gathering followers as a female persona. Once she switched to a male character, she immediately became more successful in building and running her group. She also discovered that being a clan leader draws much female attention and that the girls are very competitive in fighting for the position of the clan master's "wife." It was much easier dealing with the competition from male underlings jockeying for position.
4. To experience "power" that she had not been able to experience in real life. As a very quiet adolescent, she felt dominated by stronger willed boyfriends, which affected her development in ways she was still trying to understand. "Donning a male identity allowed me to freely express certain aggressive and powerful actions that I don't seem able to project when perceived as a female. I say perceived, because this was all about how others saw me. All during the time, I felt like "myself" and female. It was just the male side of me that I was allowed to show, but had always been there."

  Wanting to correct the apparent lack of data in this article about female users, another reader offered to share her experiences. When she adopted the username "The Doctor," she originally intended it to be gender neutral. Consistently, however, she was judged to be male, forcing her to correct her companions' perceptions. The perception was so persistent that she herself came to think of the handle as a male persona. On one occasion, when she attempted what she felt was a very benign overture towards a vulnerable teenage girl, the girl interpreted this as the advances of a "dirty old man." This unexpected reaction suddenly reversed her perception of her own overture. She was as horrified as she would have been if she was witnessing some "dirty old man" acting sleazy towards a young girl. She instantly dropped The Doctor as her primary handle, after using it for only two days. The only times she reverted to it was when she felt hurt or vulnerable in a cyber-relationship. The more intellectual, male persona helped her gain distance, objectivity, and clarity, enabling her to "get my head together when my heart was feeling shattered." Why she adopted a male persona to accomplish this is, as she put it, "a mystery of socialization in a patriarchal society."

 

 'He' was much shyer than my normal 'real' or cyber self, if also 'older', and presumably 'wiser', and I could often 'see' 'him' in my mind's eye, 'wiping his glasses', which I also do not wear, as 'he' hovered as observer on the fringes of a chat, before committing 'himself' to considered opinion. This is very unlike my primary (Aries) identity, which tends to jump in first, boots and all, and ask questions, and, if necessary, apologize for tactlessness later! I wonder if I am an oddity, or are there other women out there who use male personae for similar reasons? I see "The Doctor" as not a little like the researcher's 'grey owl' primary avatar! But this could also be interpreted as a wholly feminine image, i.e. the grey owl of the goddess Athene!

After switching chat environments, she felt she didn't need The Doctor at all anymore. She learned that when she felt threatened or vulnerable, she could simply retreat into a lurking or semi-lurking mode to get the same effect. Even with what she regards as a "feminine-enough" handle, many male users still assume she is male - which she attributes to the fact that as a strongly opinionated woman she seems to be expressing her own inner masculine energies. "However, it does serve as a handy weapon, when they think they have me all sewn up, to come back with 'All that may or may not be true, but you at least have got the sex entirely wrong!', usually accompanied by a protruding tongue, as in playground battles!"

 

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